Negatory!

As of today, day 33, nothing is going on, not pregnant and a little bummed. I'm much better now after my evening 'blow off the steam' walk. I had a few tears today, but my boss is amazing and just let me cry for a few minutes until I gained my composure. Well, I'll just keep trucking along and trying my best to lose weight and have faith God has a better timing than I do.

One of those days...

Okay, so it's just got to be 'one of those days.' I am anxiously awaiting whether I start or can test to see if I'm preggers Saturday, on our fifth wedding anniversary, and I am bombarded with babies today.

My soap - yes I still watch soaps -featured a baby christening today and a miscarriage... then I watch TV tonight and 'notice' baby commercials, I RSVP for a baby shower I'll attend this Saturday and I log onto eBay to look for a new cellphone cover, and the main page says... "Are you ready or not,"featuring baby items.

So, while I'm not angry or mad... just wanted to share that it's in my face today. I'm trying to keep the happy thoughts about this weekend. I'm hoping my body either works again or I'm preggers... more to come.

Way to end date night

Well, it's only been about 18 days since my last post. All I want to say is Kim and I had a good dinner and movie date night, and now my body decided to work yet again... so stinks a little and yet I'm soooooo excited to see more progress. I'm hoping my body is trying to figure out what's going on. 12 pounds down... and many smiles tonight!

Grinning from ear to ear

God gave me a little glimpse of hope today; my body began working on it's own. No need to provide you with TMI today, but I'm elated to physically see some progress. I've been praying all evening that He help me control my emotions. I don't want to get too excited and be upset if next month nothing happens, but I also want to celebrate success in something working. Praise God!!!

Baby Steps

So far, this week is off to a good start. I've been very conscious about what I'm eating and getting exercise in every night. Sometimes I'm just doing aerobics and others I do a little aerobics as a warm-up for the elliptical. I can't make it that long on the elliptical, but I'm slowly increasing my time. I've hoping Sunday shows good progress with the weight. Kim and I check ourselves each Sunday morning and tell each other if we were up or down. So far in six weeks I've lost six pounds. While it's not grandious by any means, it's steps in the right direction! :)

Little Distractions

I'm remaining focused on other things in my life right now, which is helping me cope with my infertility blues. I've been working out like a maniac and seeing a slight loss (5.5 lbs. to date). This, not only is helping me physically, but it's helping me emotionally. Keeping focused on this really helping. While it's not the major loss I'd like to see, I'm confident it'll get kick-started soon.

Another distraction this past week was a purchase of a professional, SLR digital camera and all the zooms, filters, etc. to accompany. I'm really excited to have a nice camera to take the fam's photos and others for fun. I'd like to just play around with it and see what I can do. Since we have a lot of friends with adorable kids and a backyard full of flowers, I'm thinking I'll have plenty of practice shooting this spring.

"I Believe in Miracles"

One month later, nothings happening on our end - oh, except for the fact three friends just informed me within about two weeks they are preggers... seriously! I'm sure I'm just noticing this b/c of the fact I'm not.

Went to my OB-GYN this week for my annual check-up, and he informed me that my infertility specialist sent him my file and recommendation, which consisted of either two rounds and artificial insemination (would total about $2,200 out of pocket) or IVF, which I don't even want to think about the cost... most likely $20-30,000. I let this bother me for, oh, about 10 minutes. The thought was depressing and hopeless. Then, I realized I cannot focus on this, b/c it's rules out the fact God can do anything. So, I'm continuing to believe in miracles since God hasn't closed any doors for us.

Just trying to focus on other things like my weight issue. So far, so good. I've lots four pounds in two weeks and I'm hoping this trend continues.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I may not have a baby to love, but I have a fabulous husband, family and friends who I love and they love me so much, are praying for us. For this I am grateful.