"I Believe in Miracles"

One month later, nothings happening on our end - oh, except for the fact three friends just informed me within about two weeks they are preggers... seriously! I'm sure I'm just noticing this b/c of the fact I'm not.

Went to my OB-GYN this week for my annual check-up, and he informed me that my infertility specialist sent him my file and recommendation, which consisted of either two rounds and artificial insemination (would total about $2,200 out of pocket) or IVF, which I don't even want to think about the cost... most likely $20-30,000. I let this bother me for, oh, about 10 minutes. The thought was depressing and hopeless. Then, I realized I cannot focus on this, b/c it's rules out the fact God can do anything. So, I'm continuing to believe in miracles since God hasn't closed any doors for us.

Just trying to focus on other things like my weight issue. So far, so good. I've lots four pounds in two weeks and I'm hoping this trend continues.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I may not have a baby to love, but I have a fabulous husband, family and friends who I love and they love me so much, are praying for us. For this I am grateful.

Peaceful, easy feeling

I'm surprising myself. God is really giving me lots of peace, and my emotions have been stable this week. Right after we learned we weren't pregnant, we learned Kim's friend's mom passed away. This really has put things into perspective for us and given something else to think about this week.

It's been nice not jumping right in to meds and beginning my countdown days. :)

Staying positive, while not

So, we got the news today that we're not preggers. It was a tough one; they don't get easier. After many, many tears... I'm doing much better. While it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, I'm at peace about it.

I had an amazing talk with Kim about it, and we're going to hold off on things for a while. We're not setting a timeline at the moment.

We'll just chill out on the hormone meds, let my body try and create the ones I need for once in my life, save our money for future appointments and get healthy. Pregnant or not, I have to loose some weight... who knows that might help! Kim's been doing great working out also and eating better, so it's helping.

More to come on this issue when we know what to do. Until then, we're still trusting in God to do miracles and praying. I know it's not a closed door, but I don't know where the open one is or when it will come... but it WILL come!

Faithful Myrtle

So, I just need to get some things off my chest. I learned today and yesterday that a co-worker's wife and my really good coworker friend are both expecting. I hate to say I'll be dreading the lunch conversation each day, because that isn't true, but it's so hard to swallow. I truly am very happy for them both! I constantly pray that bumps like this in the road won't get me down and that I remain positive. So far, so good... but it's so hard to hear all the time.

I recently read an excerpt of my mom's devotional, which talked about how God is always opening doors. And how we just need to realize this and be ready for the next door in His timing. I 100 percent agree God is in control of this situation, and since He hasn't closed any doors, I'm putting my faith forward and believing He'll open one for Kim and I for a baby. I'm not overly anxious and impatient as I once was... it's just the emotional side of it that can get to you, ya know!

So, while I'm not Fertile Myrtle like most people I know and am surrounded by, I am a Faithful Myrtle and will continue to pray my faith continues and my attitude stays good.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Belated Present?

We learned on December 11 my cysts were gone, so I began taking my hormone injections. This month, they took longer to work, so I took them for an extra four days. On Christmas morning, I took the hormone, which forces ovulation, and we tried for a few days. Hoping for a belated Christmas present. We'll know the outcome on January 8.

My chin's tipping downward

Well, we learned on October 20, we aren't pregnant. It was quite a shocker to us. Luckily Kim and I were on vacation that day... it was full of my tears and pretty quiet.

On October 22, I went to the doctor and learned I had cysts all over, one of which was enormous and extremely painful. So, I began birth control again, and go back on December 11. While this wasn't the most exciting Thanksgiving, we do have so much to be thankful for this year. Each other, our families, stable jobs, a great home, irreplaceable friends, a God who is way bigger than infertility and finances... plus much more!

Since I learned I wasn't pregnant, life's not gloomy all the time, but it's rough to keep the smile on lately. Today, we had another baby shower for someone at work, learned a good friend was pregnant, came home to a Pottery Barn kids magazine and listened to my grandma go on and on about her new great-grandchild, who was born today. Today was not the easiest day to swallow.

I've been having horrible nightmares, some of which pertain to infertility and other ones that are simply horrific, like the one where someone buried me alive. Yeah, I got to have that wonderful one three times in one night.

On December 11, we go to see if the cysts are gone, and if so, we'll do round four of meds.

Trying to keep my chin up!

Taking the Plunge... Literally

I finally learned the cysts were gone from the second round of meds - Praise God! So, I began taking hormone injections for six days. My ultrasound on November 7 indicated I had five follicles at the size needed to grow healthy eggs, so we were ready for round three!

Kim and I decided to do artificial insemination this month, because we were BLESSED with extra cash this month to cover high costs. We knew this was God's way of saying "It's okay, try for it." So, I had the insemination done on November 8.

On November 19, I'll go in for blood work and find out that afternoon if we're pregnant. Hoping for the best!