Two months up to speed in one paragraph

Well, I didn't ovulate last month at all, haven't yet as of this month and am patiently waiting. This week I learned my mom's got cancer and so does my dog. It's been a much harder week than all of my infertility whoas combined. See, God knows what he's doing. Doesn't make the situations easier to get through, but it does remind me I'm in His care, and he'll provide.

Positive thoughts!

One would not think I'd be excited to 'start' after more than two years of trying. However, when I did yesterday, I was overjoyed. One month after my surgery I started on my own! YAHOO! While I didn't ovulate, I still started and will begin meds tomorrow (Friday, September 26 - I month from my D&C and three months from when I got preggers.)

I'm thankful God is encouraging me daily through my great friends, coworkers and positive thoughts. I'm not down in the dumps, and I'm grateful for that. Praying God will continue to help me get through this major hiccup in life.

In God's hands

I started meds for this month, and will learn if I ovulated on September 16 - appt is September 15. I'm hoping for a 12, but am going into it with the reality it may not be there the next month following the D&C.

Emotionally, I'm doing better than I thought I would, and my body has healed fantastically! More to come on September 16. We did what we had to this past week :) ... It's in God's hands!

A fresh start

Well, my D&C went as well as to be expected. I completely freaked about my IV, yet was totally calm for the surgery. As a matter of fact, I only had tears all day for the stupid needle and was super relaxed prior to surgery. It got over sooner than we thought, and Dr. R said I didn't have a ton of tissue and should expect to feel well soon. I felt a little bad yesterday afternoon in between my multiple naps, but today I honestly feel perfectly fine. I had a host of kind words via cyberspace and calls from my closest friends yesterday and today, which meant the world... thank you!

I am so glad it's now behind me, and I'm already thinking about what my next progesterone level will be... praying for another 12 or higher! We actually get to start trying right away, and I'll start my meds tomorrow (days 3-7) like we did in June. I know it may take a while for it to happen again, but I'm believing it can still happen at any given point - that will keep me going. God is clearly still in charge of this endeavor and will make it happen when he wants to. I'm just doing what I need to and trusting He'll make it work! :)

Huge up and ups, and Major down!

As a follow-up to my last post and to say it simply, I did receive a miracle... Kim and I learned we were pregnant on July 26. We were so overjoyed and ecstatic! I had an appointment when I was four weeks. Today marks 8 weeks. For the past several weeks, I've experienced pregnancy at it's finest... heartburn, bloating, nauseau at night, etc. It's been absolutely amazing praising God for this unbelieveable miracle. Just think one month before I got pregnant my progesterone was 1.4, then 12~ God is good!

On a much more sad note... I went in today for my sono to make sure things were progressing well, and learned I'm no longer pregnant. I had a blighted ovum, a.k.a. early pregnancy loss. Basically, we conceived, and the fertilized egg attached to the uterus wall as was supposed to. However, the fertilized egg didn't create a baby. This can happen for a number of reasons - bad eggs or chromosome issues. So, we're emotionally going through the pits today. This doesn't increase changes of it happening again, although it could as with anyone. I read today that about 50% of miscarriages are caused by this. I'm just thankful we learned this early and I didn't lose a baby... but I did lose a pregnancy. So, I have a D&C scheduled on Tuesday, b/c my uterus was working well and had a placenta and all - just no baby. Tuesday will be a rough day, but my close friends and family will get me through it.

Right now, I'm sad, frustrated, joyful knowing my body works and hopeful we can have a healthy baby someday.

Received a miracle today

Well, my progesterone last month was only a 1.4 out of a magical number of 12. So, my doc decided to try different days of my cycle for the meds, and yesterday I went in for day 21 blood work. Honestly, I was hoping for a 4 just so I could see some type of numerical progress. Well, instead, I got more than I bargained for!

My nurse called around noon today and told me that my level this month was a 12.0 - I know, it's crazy! It's literally a miracle straight from the hands of God! So, I will wait until either I start or on day 35, July 30, when I'll take a test. I'm just soooo thrilled that my body worked. I hope if I'm not preggers, which I'm not expecting to be, that my body continues to work at this pace. Kim was super excited, so we enjoyed dinner out to celebrate!!!!

My mom told me tonight she just feels things are going in the right direction and that it would happen soon... regardless, my God gave me a miracle today. And for that, I'm grateful!

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Positive Thoughts aren't easy, but necessary

Day 21 rolled around, and no ovulation! However, I did start so I began new meds on day three. Doc didn't want to increase the hormone b/c he's trying to see if he can detect if my system is working on different days than the norm. So, instead of taking the drug days 5-9, I'm taking it 3-7. Beginning tomorrow, I'll do the ovulation test on my own and get my blood drawn on Day 21, July 16, for the official word.

Today, I learned two co-workers are preggers... one via e-mail and the other in person. It was hard, but I honestly wasn't as bummed today like normal. I DO believe God is still in control, and I'm confident it will happen. Doesn't make one day easier than the other, but I do know God's on my side, and Kim's on the other... we'll get through this and be able to tell everyone just how amazing God is! Positive thoughts aren't always the easiest on days like today, but it's necessary and I can't doubt His master plan... wish he would just give me some insight! :)

At the beginning...

Well, I decided to call my doc to let him know my body has worked three months consecutively... while not on a schedule, it's still working. He decided to put me on a very low dose of hormone to trigger ovulation this month on time. So, I go in Friday to get blood drawn so they can test my progesterone and know if I ovulated; I will most likely know on the following Monday.

Just going to take this in strides... not sure what our next steps will be if they're needed.

I've lost a total off 22 now, so I'm hoping this will continue to help!

Perplexed

Well, May 25 rolls around and my body decided to work again. I'm obviously happy it's 'doing its thing' and just wondering if it'll get into any pattern. So on May 27 I called the doctor to inform him of my cycle and see if he wants to wait a bit b/f starting Chlomid... also, I'm trying to be proactive. He mentioned me being able to start this a while back, but I'm not sure at what 'time' he was okay iwth trying infertility again, starting with the very basic Chlomid.

Oh, twenty pounds down as of yesterday! I'm super excited... off to exercise.

Negatory!

As of today, day 33, nothing is going on, not pregnant and a little bummed. I'm much better now after my evening 'blow off the steam' walk. I had a few tears today, but my boss is amazing and just let me cry for a few minutes until I gained my composure. Well, I'll just keep trucking along and trying my best to lose weight and have faith God has a better timing than I do.

One of those days...

Okay, so it's just got to be 'one of those days.' I am anxiously awaiting whether I start or can test to see if I'm preggers Saturday, on our fifth wedding anniversary, and I am bombarded with babies today.

My soap - yes I still watch soaps -featured a baby christening today and a miscarriage... then I watch TV tonight and 'notice' baby commercials, I RSVP for a baby shower I'll attend this Saturday and I log onto eBay to look for a new cellphone cover, and the main page says... "Are you ready or not,"featuring baby items.

So, while I'm not angry or mad... just wanted to share that it's in my face today. I'm trying to keep the happy thoughts about this weekend. I'm hoping my body either works again or I'm preggers... more to come.

Way to end date night

Well, it's only been about 18 days since my last post. All I want to say is Kim and I had a good dinner and movie date night, and now my body decided to work yet again... so stinks a little and yet I'm soooooo excited to see more progress. I'm hoping my body is trying to figure out what's going on. 12 pounds down... and many smiles tonight!

Grinning from ear to ear

God gave me a little glimpse of hope today; my body began working on it's own. No need to provide you with TMI today, but I'm elated to physically see some progress. I've been praying all evening that He help me control my emotions. I don't want to get too excited and be upset if next month nothing happens, but I also want to celebrate success in something working. Praise God!!!

Baby Steps

So far, this week is off to a good start. I've been very conscious about what I'm eating and getting exercise in every night. Sometimes I'm just doing aerobics and others I do a little aerobics as a warm-up for the elliptical. I can't make it that long on the elliptical, but I'm slowly increasing my time. I've hoping Sunday shows good progress with the weight. Kim and I check ourselves each Sunday morning and tell each other if we were up or down. So far in six weeks I've lost six pounds. While it's not grandious by any means, it's steps in the right direction! :)

Little Distractions

I'm remaining focused on other things in my life right now, which is helping me cope with my infertility blues. I've been working out like a maniac and seeing a slight loss (5.5 lbs. to date). This, not only is helping me physically, but it's helping me emotionally. Keeping focused on this really helping. While it's not the major loss I'd like to see, I'm confident it'll get kick-started soon.

Another distraction this past week was a purchase of a professional, SLR digital camera and all the zooms, filters, etc. to accompany. I'm really excited to have a nice camera to take the fam's photos and others for fun. I'd like to just play around with it and see what I can do. Since we have a lot of friends with adorable kids and a backyard full of flowers, I'm thinking I'll have plenty of practice shooting this spring.

"I Believe in Miracles"

One month later, nothings happening on our end - oh, except for the fact three friends just informed me within about two weeks they are preggers... seriously! I'm sure I'm just noticing this b/c of the fact I'm not.

Went to my OB-GYN this week for my annual check-up, and he informed me that my infertility specialist sent him my file and recommendation, which consisted of either two rounds and artificial insemination (would total about $2,200 out of pocket) or IVF, which I don't even want to think about the cost... most likely $20-30,000. I let this bother me for, oh, about 10 minutes. The thought was depressing and hopeless. Then, I realized I cannot focus on this, b/c it's rules out the fact God can do anything. So, I'm continuing to believe in miracles since God hasn't closed any doors for us.

Just trying to focus on other things like my weight issue. So far, so good. I've lots four pounds in two weeks and I'm hoping this trend continues.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I may not have a baby to love, but I have a fabulous husband, family and friends who I love and they love me so much, are praying for us. For this I am grateful.

Peaceful, easy feeling

I'm surprising myself. God is really giving me lots of peace, and my emotions have been stable this week. Right after we learned we weren't pregnant, we learned Kim's friend's mom passed away. This really has put things into perspective for us and given something else to think about this week.

It's been nice not jumping right in to meds and beginning my countdown days. :)

Staying positive, while not

So, we got the news today that we're not preggers. It was a tough one; they don't get easier. After many, many tears... I'm doing much better. While it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, I'm at peace about it.

I had an amazing talk with Kim about it, and we're going to hold off on things for a while. We're not setting a timeline at the moment.

We'll just chill out on the hormone meds, let my body try and create the ones I need for once in my life, save our money for future appointments and get healthy. Pregnant or not, I have to loose some weight... who knows that might help! Kim's been doing great working out also and eating better, so it's helping.

More to come on this issue when we know what to do. Until then, we're still trusting in God to do miracles and praying. I know it's not a closed door, but I don't know where the open one is or when it will come... but it WILL come!

Faithful Myrtle

So, I just need to get some things off my chest. I learned today and yesterday that a co-worker's wife and my really good coworker friend are both expecting. I hate to say I'll be dreading the lunch conversation each day, because that isn't true, but it's so hard to swallow. I truly am very happy for them both! I constantly pray that bumps like this in the road won't get me down and that I remain positive. So far, so good... but it's so hard to hear all the time.

I recently read an excerpt of my mom's devotional, which talked about how God is always opening doors. And how we just need to realize this and be ready for the next door in His timing. I 100 percent agree God is in control of this situation, and since He hasn't closed any doors, I'm putting my faith forward and believing He'll open one for Kim and I for a baby. I'm not overly anxious and impatient as I once was... it's just the emotional side of it that can get to you, ya know!

So, while I'm not Fertile Myrtle like most people I know and am surrounded by, I am a Faithful Myrtle and will continue to pray my faith continues and my attitude stays good.

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."